In 8th Postion competition entry

I had many entries and this one I could well related to, so in 8th place!

Fifty Steps

I’ve been ill for over a decade including several months in hospital and a few weeks in Intensive Care.  Since coming out I haven’t been very steady on my feet... everywhere I go I have to have a wall, a person or, more recently, my cane or rollator/walker with me to lean on.  I’m determined to walk on my own and get my independence back but it’s starting to feel like it will never happen.

The fifty steps has to start with the first one though, I’ve just got to find the courage to try and do it.  It’s taken about 7 or 8 years to be able to walk down the stairs while holding onto the rail on one side and the wall on the other side, but at least I’m walking down them instead of bouncing down on my bum like I did when I first came out of hospital!

It’s almost like I’m a young child taking their first steps again, I’m just too big and heavy to lift onto mummy’s hip when I fall now!    I’ve got a wonderful partner and real life friend who don’t seem to mind pulling me to my feet when I fall over and that isn’t happening as much now (cue me falling over and not being able to get up now ).

So, tomorrow I start walking around the bottom part of the house without holding on to walls.  The way I see it is that if I do fall over I can crawl to the bottom of the stairs and use them to get back on my feet.  Wish me luck!  Maybe I should just aim for fifty un-aided steps without restricting myself to being in the house?  Next time I meet up with my friend I’m going to try walking around in the pub not leaning so heavily on my walker?  We’ll have to wait and see!

Maybe taking my dog for her daily walks would be a better start?  There is a wall at the side that I can wobble in to if I need to and my concentration will be on my dog more than staying upright so I won’t feel as pressured to stay on my feet either.

Am I getting ahead of myself?  Should I concentrate on being able to get around the house without holding on before I even think of walking fifty steps outside, just in case I fall over and can’t get up as well as my pup’s lead maybe coming off my wrist and her getting loose!

I’ve never been any good at making up my mind but maybe walking around the house without holding on to walls is the safest and best way forward... not exactly courageous but I’ve got to start somewhere so why not in the house where I feel safest then slowly work up to my fifty steps outside?  Safety first and all that sort of thing?  I’ll do it, I’ve just got to slow down!

Thanks Amanda for a great entry, I hope you all enjoy reading the stories as they are posted!